i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
