I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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