During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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