God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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