pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
