Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
