I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
