Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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