Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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