That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
