um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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