In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
