I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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