Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
