Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
