Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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