She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
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