she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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