Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
