ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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