Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
