thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize