well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
