Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
