4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
