he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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