You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
