you didnt know i had herpes?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
