My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
