Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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