She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
