I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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