I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
