Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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