she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
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every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
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It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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