She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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