he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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