My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
