I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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