You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
