I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
