cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
