I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
