I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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