We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
