I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
