gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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