I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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