if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
