please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
NoShamevember. You game?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
