Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
