my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
