You work out of a Hotel?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
