At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
