I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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