she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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