Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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