People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
