I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
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