I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
