All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
