I've blown a few things in my day
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
