i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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