im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the condom got lost in my hair
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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