she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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