Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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