just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
