Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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