you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
